To move on or to not to?

Basically it's up to you whether to move on or to not to. It's your choice. A very good friend of mine once told me that sometimes you don't have to move on, just freaking live you life. He was speaking from his own experience who had been keeping his feelings  for over 2 years. Wow. So yeah, I took his advice and now, I live my life happily.
So what has been keeping you from not moving on? Was that person your first true love? Was that person the only one who made you feel different? Was the person different from the rest? Was the person the one that you had never loved like you loved that person? Was the person that you thought the one for you? Was the person your first in your everything? Trust me we all say that because we all are in denial. We could not believe that one person had truly left us in unbearable pain. I know how it feels. Trust me, I know. We all use the same old reasons over and over to not to move on. Yes, I'm using the reasons as well. I kept telling everyone he was the one that made me felt different, he was the one who truly saw me, blabliblublabliblu. Yeah yeah yeah I get it. Yeah that's why you can't move on because you think too much and being so emotional with this kind of stuffs. I gotta agree on that, yes, I am very emotional and sometimes I can't control my emotions. It ain't good, it ain't good. But we all know that we gotta move on with our life. Great things ahead!
NVM people, we just gotta live our life and insyaALLAH (If God wills), we will get someone a lot better than our ex. Great things come to those who wait and work for it. :)

SKYPE

I don't know whether I can continue this or not. It's just sometimes I miss you so much. I saw you standing in front of me but I can't do anything about it. We were talking, you were trying to make a conversation and I tried too but it just didn't work out well. Why? Where did all go wrong? Hurm.
Skype? Oh skype? I've never skyped with any boy since you left. If I did, just once, and he's my bff. When I looked through our conversation for this one past year, I cried. I remembered once on Thursday, Feb 3rd, you told me that, " Faren, I'm gonna sayang you more when I see you, balik la.". I was at Ipoh and you were at Cyberjaya. So we skyped all the time. You kept asking me to go back A.S.A.P. cause you missed me so much. :)
You always told me that you're gonna prove me that you're not gay and hehe you never failed to show your manly side to me. :) We used to play bingo and tic tac toe on skype and you lost like almost every games we played. haha. We played a lot of games on skype. IDK why were we so childish. haha. It was fun, seriously, it was fun and I miss it. I remember that you would just call me HANDSOME instead of BEAUTIFUL. haha  We were a weird couple indeed. haha. And we were like WOI, FUCK LA, EH STUPID, haha. So ganas la we both before this. Haha
 And we used to snapshot our pictures without each other's knowledge. I selalu curi-curi ambil gambar you and you pun! haha. And I would just stare at you without saying anything and then I smiled. I was so madly in love with you. I would just stare at you the whole day without doing anything else. But now IDK what I feel now. Is this obsession or love? I'm confused.
Our last skype session was on 22nd Sept. I was getting ready to go to Damansara and you were at home doing nothing. We were chatting on fb. I still remember how heartless you were on that day. I would never forget whatever you said to me on that day. And after all those mean things you said, you asked me to skype with you. What was that for? You told me that you didn't intentionally to hurt me with your words and you just wanted to show me your face expression when you said those hurtful words. I know that you didn't mean that. Somehow I saw something in your eyes. I wanted to look and stare at your face but I couldn't. The fact that you were already dated someone that time have made me to not to look at you. How could I stare at someone's boyfriend? I should have never said yes when you asked me to skype with you. I really wanted to say all those sweet words at you but yes, but I couldn't! I wouldn't want to hurt your girlfriend's feelings. She seemed nice. I could see that she helped you a lot with this break up thingy. It's good that you had someone to lean onto. That was the last time we skyped. We didn't ended our conversation well. It's okay. :)
I miss you. I still have those picture. Do you still have em'?

Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS Tan Guan Kiat! :) Exactly a year ago, we sort of celebrated our mini Christmas celebration through webcam video calls. We sang Christmas songs and I gave  you Melon and you gave me Moo Moo. Heee. I hope Melon is doing fine with you. Sorry, I don't have the balls to actually wish you Merry Christmas. So if you're reading this, Merry Christmas! Have a great one with your loved ones! :) I wish you have the life that you always wanted. :)

A year of knowing you.

One year had passed and it has been great. I miss you. I never thought that I would celebrate today without you.

I miss.

IDK why am I writing about this but yeah, I still do miss you. Mom told me once that, it's okay to lose you. She told me that it is your loss, not mine. When she told me that I felt like 'OH NO IT'S MY LOSS LA AMA. HE WAS SO PERFECT. I WAS THE ONE WHO MADE HIM TO LEAVE'. She told me that it is your loss cause you did not give yourself a chance to see the real me, the new me, the current me. Mom and I have never talked about relationship and stuffs but IDK what truly happened that day, we just kept on talking about relationship. I told her about the break up thing after 3 months of the break up. I was not and never prepared to tell my parents about it. Yes, they saw me happy when I was with him, and of course I wouldn't want them to see me how bad I looked after he left. I used to get really excited when I talk about him to my family. Yes, everyone in my family knew that I dated him and yes, they were not that happy about it. Dad has been always want me to concentrate on my studies which I would never ever willing to do. Dad always think that if I ever got into any relationship, I might lose interest in my studies, which I never did. I never lose my interest in studies when I was with him, instead he was one of the reason for me to keep on studying those stupid subjects I never liked. Mom was not that much in shocked cause she knows that I have always like Chinese guys. Grandma was like ergh, 'Ain, you better find someone real, something that could last long. This is impossible. He is Chinese.'. Uncle Farouk was like, 'Haih ain.' Uncle Farouk met Kiat once and he told Kiat to take care of me before he left for Seattle, US. Ergh ergh ergh. That time we were not even together. Guess Uncle Farouk knew what was going on between me and Kiat. Cousins and the rest, they didn't care much. Sad stories of mine. LOL. But yeah, let's go back to the main thing, I MISS YOU. That's all. Good Night. 6 more days to a year of knowing you.
:)